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[ Filtered from Allana ]

LISTEN HERE JERKWADS. My grandbaby, Allana Djo, Heiress to the Hapan Crown and princess of 63 planets, is having a birthday party next week. Sheapos;s gonna be five years old.

None of you better screw this up. Allanaapos;s had a rough year. I wrote you all some rules.

The presents:

- Nothing can be wrapped in boxes. My asshole son, Allanaapos;s dad, stuffed her in a BOX one time. Donapos;t be insensitive.
- No Tenel Ka or Jacen Solo action figures. Do they even make those? Doesnapos;t matter You ainapos;t buying any Iapos;m the one who has to listen to her cry and we all know that ~I~ end up crying, too. And when Han Solo cries, the universe collapses in on itself. Do you know how many times thatapos;s happened already? Iapos;ve lost count. Donapos;t fucking try it.
- Whatever it is, it better be pink.

The party:

- If youapos;re dead, and itapos;s because Allanaapos;s dad killed you, donapos;t bring it up. Just say you uhh, were gonna go live on a farm, and ended up here instead.
- ... Kriffing hells, are Allana and Anna really friends that sparkly vampireapos;s daughter? Kriffing hells. Okay. At least THIS vampire girl ainapos;t hiding my ship. I can handle it. But theyapos;re friends, I guess, so you canapos;t stalk shit about vampires at the party.
- Tachi promised Allana three personal cakes, so Iapos;m making her get the rest for, you know, THE ACTUAL PARTY-GOERS. Youapos;ll all get more assignments later.

Animals:

- I know you pansies are gonna give her 568098674 kittens and puppies and ponies and otters. Just, someone make my job easier and get us some more stable litter boxes. At our old apartment, a litterbox tipped and fell onto Anakin Jrapos;s Wii. It took forever to get it replaced.

THANKS.

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